Am I excited about getting back to stage management?
Honestly, I’m not sure.
You see, things are beginning to rev up again. I’ve got an interview this week for a brief contract with an opera company, a place where I previously worked and enjoyed. The director there is my absolute favourite. Plus, we create some really cool shows there.
But, I was expecting to be more thrilled about this opportunity. Instead, I’m feeling a bit uneasy. Why? Because I’ve put together this unique freelance lifestyle working in digital events that’s giving me an unusual amount of freedom.
In my main role, I can take a day off just like that, no questions asked. My side job lets me switch shifts effortlessly whenever I fancy. And despite both being freelance gigs (touch wood), I’m making a decent amount of money that keeps me comfortably afloat. So, it’s not the income that I’m worried about.
I must admit, I don’t love my freelance gigs whereas I do miss the adrenaline rush of live shows. I’m still able to leverage about 85-90% of my stage management skills in both gigs, so it’s not that either. But, there’s no denying, my life feels easier than ever. Perhaps it’s just the newfound work-life balance speaking.
When I peek at my calendar, I see a lot of work but also weekends filled with plans to visit breweries and beaches with friends, or go horseback riding. In fact, I have camping pencilled in for Memorial Day weekend. I realized how pampered I was when I didn’t fret about losing a gig while planning this trip a few months back.
Big win? I can now make plans. I’m usually the flaky friend, but lately, my bestie started texting me more often, asking if I want to hang out instead of just waiting for me to reach out.
But here’s the crux. I’m nervous about juggling my month-long gig with my freelance roles. I’m not confident that they’ll be flexible enough to give me that time off.
So, unsurprisingly, I find myself mulling over the future. A close friend of mine, who also works in freelance and faces an identical dilemma, confessed that he’s successfully shifted his values. He said that he no longer seeks validation as a “sound number 2” but finds contentment in balancing different roles and enjoying his time.
I get him. I repeatedly ask myself, “If I’m not a stage manager, what am I?” I remember feeling a tad out of place even when I was teaching right before the pandemic – It just didn’t feel right not being a stage manager. But at the same age, I felt boxed in being just a stage manager, which wasn’t healthy either.
Asking for some career stability and a healthy dose of work-life balance isn’t too much, right? Anyway, enough of my thoughts. Wish me luck for the interview, although not landing it would save me from making a tough decision! No, scratch that, do wish me luck. I would rather be spoilt for choice!