The Roller Coaster Ride of Freelancing, Fear of Loss, & Grad School
My journey through freelancing while pursuing a PhD has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, especially with the added uncertainty of a recession. I like to reflect on past uncertainties and remind myself that I’ve made it through before – and can do so again.
Working as a stage manager has given me so much fulfillment. But trying to maintain a stable financial position, my relationship, and a life in England for my PhD has made me embrace a variety of challenges.
The paradox of freelancing is that when you have plenty of work, you’re too busy to enjoy the fruits of your labor. But when work is scarce, stress and anxiety creep in. And we freelancers rarely address the psychological toll of an unstable income. This insecurity can make us doubt our abilities and hinder our motivation and productivity.
I remember a chat with a friend when I was considering buying a house. Both of us had lived in less-than-ideal conditions longer than necessary, just in case everything fell apart. He bought a condo two years ago, stressing about affording it. But, he was amazed by the notable improvement in his quality of life.
When my financial situation wavers, I scrutinize every purchase, even the smallest ones. This is particularly tough after a period of prosperity when I’ve gotten used to certain luxuries like eating out, shopping, or vacations. The stress of losing these little joys can weigh heavily on me.
This is due to “loss aversion,” people’s tendency to avoid losses rather than acquire gains. A freelancer experiencing a drop in income faces a loss that feels more significant than any potential gains from spending. This feeling can intensify their urge to avoid spending, even on things they love.
Like my roller skating lessons. I’ve had to quit for now because I can’t afford it and can’t commit to a set schedule due to my fluctuating work. This can be frustrating, especially when comparing to the past two years when a day off wasn’t an issue due to a surge in work.
To manage such stress, it’s crucial to remember that our financial condition isn’t a measure of our worth. We must focus on resilience and healthy coping mechanisms. This could involve diversifying income sources, setting attainable financial goals, and seeking support from others.
There are also inexpensive ways to treat ourselves, like enjoying nature walks, yoga, meditation, or spending quality time with loved ones. For instance, my partner and I love having game nights – it’s either free at home or just £5 at the local game cafe.
Grad school adds a layer of financial stress. The plan was to manage my financial situation for another year and then reevaluate. But the current recession and the long stretch of so many uncertainties can be overwhelming. Some days, I even consider dropping out. Welcome to with the life of a grad student!